It's a fine line
by LittleFanGirl
Summary: There's a fine line between love and hate and there's a reason it's never been crossed. When the line is disregarded and trampled over, disaster unfurls. MXM and MXN.
1. Chapter 1

Thanks so much to **Luma Shine** for allowing me to use her base idea and turn it into what it is :)

DISCLAIMER: Yeah..I STILL don't own deathnote..."/

ENJOY ^_^

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The 2nd floor common room was silent, the only exeption being the slight 'chink' of plastic whenever a new addition was added to the, already large, dice castle. As this particular common room contained the least games and technological items, it was general the most secluded, hence why Near was often found residing in it's peacefullness. Although the library held the same stillness, it was looked upon as 'Mello's territory' and although he held no bad feelings towards the blonde, Near preferred not to risk any sort of confrontation with him.

After several hours the large hand-constructed castle was nearing completion. Although he created on at least once a week, the small albino always felt a sense of achievement whenever his newest creation was completed. He doubted that many otehrs would have enough patience to build something so large only to have it knocked down not long after.

Near lifted the final dice in the air looked at it, studying it. Taking in every line, contour and marking. He was just about to put it in it's place when the door to the common room was violently thrown open, a very aggrivated looking Mello then proceeded to storm into the room. Near watched closely as he threw several text books onto the floor and angrily layed next to them. Why was he always so angry?

After observing Mello - who had now opened one of the textbooks and was reading it - for several more minutes Near felt a cold draft and realised that the door had been annoyingly left open. With a sigh he layed the dice he had been holding next to the huge castle and crossed the room in order to close the door. It shut with a soft thud, a noise which unfortunately caught the blonde's attention. Near could feel Mello's eyes on him and as he returned to his usual spot on the floor, he hoped he'd just return to his studying and leave him alone.

Luck was not on his side.

"Oh sheep." Mello called across the room.

Near attempted to ignore him and proceeded to pick up the last dice for the second time that day.

"I said 'Oh Sheep'" Mello attempted to keep his voice calm but it was clear the he was growing agitated.

Near continued to ignore the anger fuelled blond. He was just about to place the final dice on the the castle when Mello was suddenly next to him kicking down the gigantic monument. Although he'd wanted to complete it, it didn't particularly bother Near, he'd expected it afterall. He didn't even look at Mello, he simply began placing the dice neatly into the box in which they belonged.

"WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T THAT BOTHER YOU?" Mello practically creamed his statement. In his peripheral vision Near could see that Mello was clenching his fist, obviously attempting to restrain himself, but Near simply continued packing away his dice.

Mello stood silent for a few minutes, desperately trying to contol himself - Roger had said one more bad move and he would be banned from chocolate. Unfortunately his anger returned full force when Near spoke.

"Mello really should learn to control his emotions."

Before either boy knew what was happening, Near was being pinned against the wall and Mello's arm was poised for a punch.

"Oh believe me, if i wasn't in control of my emotions you'd be fucking dead by now." Mello hissed, his voice was lower then usual but the venom was clear in his words.

Near didn't respond.

"You so fucking annoying." His voice was now barely above a whisper. "No wonder no one likes you. You're such a freak Near, sitting here alone building useless castles. I swear down if i wasn't at threat of losing chocolate you'd be soo messed up right now."

"I honestly don't comprehend what Mello's aversion to me-" Near's sentance was cut short when another pair of lips was crushed to his own. Not even a second after he'd kissed the albino, Mello pulled back. A look of pure shock in his eyes. Near's face mirrored his expression.

Mello lowered his arm but kept the other firmly pinning the small albino to the wall. What had he just done? Why?

They stood frozen for an unknown period of time when eventually Near spoke.

"Mello?" For once his voice was not monotonous, it was laced with shock; inquisitiveness; worry and...Relief?

Suddenly Mello connected his lips to the small boys for the second time that day, they stayed for longer that time. He was just about to retract yet again and apologise profusely when he felt the small albino experimentally and tentatively kissing back. Both pairs of lips wearily opened and their tongues danced together.

Near's kisses grew more fervent and he leaned into Mello, wrapping his arms around the blonde's waist.

The kiss grew deeper still and both became lost in their own little world, until a door hitting a wall brought them crashing down to Earth with a painful bump.

Mello's head immediately whipped round to identify the cause of the interruption and stood in the doorway was a very shocked looking Matt.

Matt opened his mouth to speak but he found himself unable to, why did he feel so...so...angry? No..It wasn't anger...it was...Jealousy?

Without uttering a word he turned and walked away, closely followed by Mello shouting him and asking him to stop.

Near was the only one to not move. He stayed against the wall, in the exact place he'd been when Matt had entered the room. He'd broken his promise to himself. His promise to never make himself vulnerable, to never reveal his emotions as they could - far too easily - be used against him. He'd broken it and there was no fixing it. Would anyone found out? What would Matt say? Would they simply ignore him?

Near slumped down the wall and pulled his knees close to his chest. Quiet sobs wracked his small frame and, for the first time since his arrival at Wammy's, he let the tears fall. He knew Mello would probably be more hostile toward him then ever, and it absolutely killed him.

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**Love it? Hate it? Tell me in a review ^_^ Please?**


	2. Chapter 2

**OH MY KIRA! I am SOO sorry i haven't updated sooner...But i'll be honest, i kinda forgot about this little fic until i saw the file sitting on my computer...SORRYYYY! *HangsHeadInMajorShame***

**Anyway... ON WITH THE STORY!**

**Oh yeah just thought you should know, I don't own deathnote...If i did BB would have many more appearances ... **

**P.S I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors or typos :)  
**

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**RECAP**

_Matt opened his mouth to speak but he found himself unable to, why did he feel so...so...angry? No..It wasn't anger...it was...Jealousy? _

_Without uttering a word he turned and walked away, closely followed by Mello shouting him and asking him to stop._

_

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_Matt continued down the seemingly endless hallways that made up wammy's. With each step his pace quickened and Mello's voice faded away a little , just because the verbal intrusions into Matt's mind had halted didn't mean the visual ones had;the image of the scene he had just witnessed was at the forefront of his mind, forever ingrained into his brain.

Tears stung his eyes and he found himself thankful that his goggles were pulled down - No one at Wammy's had seen him cry and he wasn't about to let them now.

He knew for a fact that it was tea time and that the majority of the wammy's occupants would be in the dining hall so he decided he would sit outside. He hated the snow with a vengeance so it would deffinetly be the last place Mello looked for him.

It didn't take long for him to arrive at his destination once he'd chosen what it was. The cold air bit visciously at him and regretted not getting a jacket from his room first. Matt crossed his arms in an attempt to stay warm and and leant on a nearby wall.

The icy protruding bricks penetrated the thin fabric of Matt's flimsy shirt and easily created numerous miniscule tears at the back of his shirt. But Matt didn't notice how his shirt tore on the dangerously sharp edges. How he was so cold he was shaking violently. Not even how, as he slid down the the wall, the sharp stones scraped his pale back, forming cuts and occasionally drawing blood. No. How could he notice those diminuitive insignificant details when his heart hurt do much that it brought shame to and mocked the horrific torrent of abuse he's undergone as a child?

He'd been betrayed in the worst possible way.

His trust had been cautiously place in his roommate's hands, his affections had slowly grown for his best friend, his vulnerable side had eventually been shown to his lover. They were some of the most difficult things Matt had ever done. It had evidently meant more to him that it ever had Mello.

Bringing his knees to his chest, Matt threw his arms around his knees. He clutched himself together tightly in a futile attempt to extinguish the unbearable ache consming his heart and mind. Sobs wracked his frail frame he became vaguely aware of falling snow. Due to the loud sounds emanating from his body and the fact that his head was being forced against his knees, he didn't see or hear the wammys doors open. He only became aware of the additional prescence when he felt a strong pair of arms wrap round him. On any other occasion he'd have lent into the strong arms, let them protect him, let them comfort him. But the betrayal was still fresh in his mind. No sooner had the arms embraced him had he pulled away and glared and the person whom was attached to them.

Matt hastily quietened his sobs, before pulling his goggles down to his neck in order to wipe away the tears that saturated his eyes. Only a few seconds lapsed before the goggles descended once again on his eyes - Right now he needed the protection they provided him. He didn't need to made to feel any more vulnerable then he already did.

Neither boy moved, they simply stared at oneanother. Matt looked up at Mello from his sitting position, his expression filled with accusation. Mello looked down at Matt from his kneeling position, his expression one of sorrow and regret.

"Matt...I..." He struggled to get the words out, for all his IQ points he couldn't for the life of him figure out how to make things better. "Matt, I'm so so-"

"Enough Mello." Matt interrupted harshly. It wasn't lost on Mello that he'd been called 'Mello' - as opposed to the usual 'Mels'. "Just, just don't say anything okay?"

Matt stood, suddenly aware of the stinging in his back, and began to walk away. Began being the operative word because his wrist was suddenly grabbed, yanking him backwards several steps.

"Matt please. At least let me help clean your back."

Matt simply glared.

"No. Everytime you try to _help_ I only end up even more hurt then I was previous to your interference." Matt yanked his arm away but Mello's arm remained grasped around it tightly.

"Get off me please." Mello's fist remained tighted around Matt's wrist.

"I said..." Matt spoke through gritted teeth. "Get. Off. Me." Matt closed the distance between himself and Mello in order to emphasise the next word that left his mouth. "_Mihael."_

It wasn't his true name that shocked Mello enough to cause his grip to slacken, it was the venom behind the speaking of aforementioned name. He stumbled back several paces as Matt released his own arm and began running through the snow.

Mello was just about to go after him when the doors of Wammy's opened once again and Linda emerged.

"Hey Mello, Roger wants to speak to you and Near. He strongly emphasised that he wanted to speak now." Linda smiled cheerfully at the blond before skipping back through the door. Mello glanced several times in the direction Matt had gone, clearly torn between which direction to go in. Reluctantly he retraced his steps and returned to the warmth of the orphanage. He wouldn't have normally done so, he would've gone after Matt and blown Roger off, but he had a strong feeling that this meeting was of the utmost importance.

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Meanwhile Matt had discovered a sporadically placed tree which proved quite a useful leaning post. His breath was still shallow due to the sprint he'd just engaged in and it was doing nothing to help him.

Eventually he regained a steady breathing pace and began to wonder whether ignoring Mello was the right decision.

_Of course it was. He deserved it.  
_Did he though? It **was** just a kiss...  
_A kiss he clearly initiated. If he truly felt about you the way he claimed he did.  
_And you've never made a mistake? A momentary lapse in judgement?  
_That's no excuse.  
_No but his face...I've never seen him look that way before.  
_You know what you should do._

"ARGH!" Matt screamed as he kicked the tree, moments before he took of sprinting again, this time in the direction of wammys.

Try as he might Matt couldn't find Mello - It was almost asif he'd disappeared right out of Wammys. Despite his wanting to find the blond bombshell as soon as possible, Matt knew that if Mello didn't want to be found then his efforts were futile. So he simply went to bed and hoped Mello would be there when he awoke.

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Sun shone through the curtains and caused Matt to stir from his slumber, before even opening his eyes he outstretched his arm to the rest of his bed. When only empty space met his arm he frowned, a frown which was deepened when he sat up and saw that Mello's bed was untouched. Where the hell was he?

The bright red numbers of the clock caught Matt's attention 08:51, well he'd surely slept in a bit - despite the fact it was Saturday and 80% of Wammys would still be lost in sleep; Matt usually awoke at around 8 'o clock each day. Matt quickly got dressed and began his search for Mello. Again.

On roughly his third trip around Wammy's Matt came realised that, unlike his past two checks, the 2nd floor common room was no longer empty. Now, residing in it's confines was Near. He was just about to walk away and leave the 'fucking-sheepy-prick' (As Mello called him) alone but decided against it, wondering if perhaps Near knew where Mello was.

Matt attempted to non-chalantly walk in the room but gave up the facade as soon as Near looked up at him. His eyes were to creepy to pretend in fron of. (Or so Matt concluded.)

"Hey..umm Near?"

Near lowered his dice weilding hand and placed said dice onto the already large creation.

"I assume you're planning to inquire as to Mello-san's whereabouts?"

Talk about cutting to the chase.

"Yeah..umm so where, where would they be? Ya' know..His whereabouts..." Matt shifted uncomfortably on his feet, normally he wouldn't be this awkward around the younger boy but before Near had not known about Matt and Mello's relationship. Matt knew that his reaction to yesterday's events were enough were enough to make Near fully aware of the situation, he wasn't number 1 for no reason.

Near picked up another dice before speaking again.

"I am unsure."

"What? Oh for fucksake Near!" Matt was almost out the door when Near's monotonous voice sounded yet again.

"However I do have some information that may prove to be of some use to Matt."

Matt stopped, a silent instruction for Near to continue.

"Mello and myself were called to a meeting with Roger yesterday in which we received some shocking but not completely unexpected news. Shortly after said news had been delivered Mello departed from Wammys, claiming he was going to catch Kira alone."

Matt turned. His eyes were wide with horror and his throat felt extremely tight. Eventually he spoke, his voice barely audible.

"W-W-What?" He croaked. After a few more seconds he flew across the room, grabbed Near by his shoulders and pinned him against the wall. "WHAT? YOU HAD BETTER NOT BE LYING!"

Rage was the most prominent outward emotion in Matt but Near could see the pain and the loss that lurked underneath. The anger was nothing more then a defense mechanism. Near reached his hand up and twirled a lock of his soft white hair.

"Matt knows me better then to truly believe that i would lie."

"No...No he..he can't have...he never...he never said..." Matt's voice was once again barely above a whisper. He let go of Near and stubbled back several paces before falling to his knees with a soft _thunk_.

"Never said goodbye." Sobs wracked Matt's frame for the second time that week, if he thought his heart had hurt yesterday...That was nothing compared to the god-awful feeling he was experiencing right now. Never before had he felt so betrayed, so unwanted, so lost, so _alone._

His whole world was crumbling around him, the walls he'd so carefully constructed to protect himself were collapsing. Finally giving way to the imperfections in the brickwork Mello ahd made when he's successfully scaled them. Now Matt had no one.

As Near stood and observed Matt he couldn't help feel that this was partly his fault. He had no doubt that Mello would've left regardless, but he knew that had yesterday's events not transpired he'd have at least said his farewells to the red-head gamer.

"I'm sorry"

Upon hearing these words Matt looked up and he swore that, just for a second, Near's face was filled with emotion. It suddenly dawned on his that he might not be the only one hurt by Mello's sudden disappearance. He gestured Near to come sit with him and when the albino finally sat, albeit somewhat cautiously, Matt put one arm around him and rested his head on the pale boy's shoulder.

"Don't be." He managed to choke out, shocked at how difficult he was finding it to speak.

Both sat like that for the remainder of the day, one showing no emotion but feeling it all inside and the other's pain extaordinarily obvious on his features. Both silent, both slightly comforted by the other's prescence, both heavily regretting that they never got to say goodbye.

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**I feel so awful..I found that extremely difficult to write, I'm not good at conveying emotions through writing at the best of times...Hmm anywhoo...Thanls fir reading this little fic i appear to have created, hope you enjoyed it :)**


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